The Strange, Strange World of Self-Observation

So, I just watched myself teach - an experience in self - voyuerism made possible by the modern technology of dd's camcorder. I caught myself on a bad day, perhaps, but that's probably best, as it gives me a long list of problems to be corrected, which just means a long list of ideas of how to be a better teacher (I knew there had to be a way to put a positive spin on it.) Here is my list of things that were bad, in no particular order:
- I was too mean.
- I was too stiff.
- I talked too fast.
- I spent too much time at the board with my back to students.
- Too mean.
- Too stiff.
- There was too much time during which only one or two of the students were working.
- I slouched badly, and in general had poor posture and body language.
- Too mean.
- Too stiff.

One of the most interesting parts was watching what the kids did behind my back when I was writing on the board (I need to work more on writing while still facing the classroom, BG style). One girl, whom I had obviously lost with the lesson, leaned back as I turned to the board, and then whacked herself on the forehead with her hands at least half a dozen times before I turned back around. Thwack, thwack, thwack... I laughed watching it, but it was a sure sign that I had lost my class' attention.
The worst part was how mean I came off being. Ever since I've gotten here, I've been worrying about being too nice. I don't really need to worry about that anymore, at least not based on this performance. I was mean when the kids had questions. I was just mean and nasty. My mentor teacher told me earlier in the month that I was way too stiff with the kids, but as I kept teaching he told me that every day was getting better. This was definitely a reversion. Overall I was just way too tense; I held the lesson plan during the entire class - I never do that.
Overall, it was really painful to watch, and so it must have been at least equally painful for the kids to sit through. Not much else to say about it except that I've got to be better. No complacency.