Play on playa

Today, I had three students stay after school for help. Well, actually two students stayed after school for extra help and I made another stay for detention. BA told me that tomorrow he is going to bring drinks for after school, and FJ, after running up and down the hallway in search of a poster, came by even though he is not in need of any real math help. "Lemme do some o' that matrix stuff." he said, meaning the matrix multiplication he had witnessed me helping algebra II students with the week before. FH, in response to the traditional detention question of whether you will chose to sit quietly or to do math, said "Give me some of them fractions. I used to hate them, before you explained them to me." She got her fractions, plus a small dose of series. FJ multiplied some matrices. And BA graphed some functions. Then, though, as we were leaving the building, I gave FJ my phone to call his ride. Then, he asks to borrow my pen. I hand it to him and look back and he is copying something out of my phone. FJ, what are you doing? And then I see that he is, of course, copying down the numbers of one of my female students (if I've called your mom, dad, anty or grandma, your number is in my phone). At first I was so amazed I didn't even say anything, but then, once I did, FJ stopped copying. "Oh, I can get it on my own, I don't need your phone to get numbers. I bet you I can get it on my own, come on, I'll bet you." I just shook my head, held out my hand to get teh phone back, and kept on walking.

What keeps me going

Getting started on a long night of grading. No, trying to get started on a long night of grading. Failing. I'm failing, at getting my grades in. At staying organized. My kids are failing to learn any math, or to perform on assessments. They will soon be failing the state test.

But tonight, as I was sitting down to try to get something done for the hundredth time, my phone rang. "You know who this is?" "BC" "Yeah, how you doin' Mr. G." "Great. I've got your number in my phone." yeah, I know, I know. You know what time the valentines dance starts tonight?..."

Something about the fact that BC would call me to ask about the valentine's day dance, which I knew nothing about, really made me feel like I was making a difference, making a connections somehow. After he asked about the dance, and I made fun of him for not having any game, he reminded me that he would be coming after school tomorrow for help. It's crazy, but it will take so much effort on my part for Barry to pass, but I want so badly for him to do well. I just can't do it for everyone in there.

I also need to become more productive and stop fearing both grading and lesson planning. I mentally block them out, even if I don't allow myself to do anything else, I often won't begin planning/grading until close to 9 PM, which is terrible and impossible, and a complete waste of my time. If I am only going to spend a few hours doing it, I might as well put in those hours when I get home so I can sleep reasonably well, rather than waste a bunch of time before starting and then not sleep. Oh wait, I'm blogging right now. Good start, that.

Acting

Meet FJ. He was in this same room last year, same class, he often tells me, same block. He sits in the front row, talks too much, and has a tendency to curse and think I won't hear him. Lately, he has been one of my after school crew. He wants to be a chef, and his favorite food is spagetti with Velveta melted on top of it in the microwave.

This morning, I saw FJ in the hall with a bloody lip. "What happened F?" "Some boys jumped on me at the bus stop." "You alright?" "Yea, I'll get them later." "No, F, you won't."

FJ has a history with the bus. He's already been suspended from the bus once, I assume for disagreements with the same guys. FJ does not want to fight anyone, but he wants to save face and he wants the harrassment to cease. So he tells me he's going to get those guys. "F, you can't get suspended now, just when you're getting on a roll in my class." "Oh, I ain't fittn to get suspended, we gon' do it in the hood." "No, F, you're not going to do it at all. You're smarter than that." "But Mr. ---------...." "F, come see me after school and we'll talk about why you won't do this."

After school, F shuffles into my room as I am finishing up with a few students. I had momentarily forgotten why he was here, and he sensed my confusion. "You wanted to talk to me." "Yeah F, sit down. You're bus isn't the first one or anything?" "No." I finish dealing with the other students and sit down across from F, searching for something to say to keep him from fighting, when I know, had I been in his shoes, I would have wanted to fight as well. But he saves me the trouble and starts the conversation.

I been thinkin about what you said. And the reason we came down here from Memphis was so I wouldn't be gettin in no more of this trouble. I don't want to have to go and tell my mom I been fighting. It just about might braek her heart.

Pause.

So, I got something that'll work for me and work for you. The only way I can do this is if when my bus comes they see you pulling me away from the bus. I can't just not get on the bus, but if you're pulling me away, just by the arm, then there's nothin I can do.

Pause.

I ride bus 127.

Ok F, so when you go over to get on the bus, I'll come after you and grab you and keep you from getting on the bus?

Right.

So, I went along with F's plan. I waited among a crowd of students for what seemed like ages, watching the bus numbers, and watching F watch me from across the lawn. I didn't need to worry about missing the bus though, because as soon as I saw it, G, who draws cartoons of me and is a very likeable, if dorky, guy, came up to me and said "F says the bus is here." I got a little closer, waited for the bus to pull up, and as the first kids started boarding I called out "F. F!" He looked up at me and headed toward the bus. G was jogging along beside me, telling me something I couldn't understand. I grabbed F by the arm. "Come on F. Let's go." He tries to pull away, and his eyes shine with anger. Had he sent G to tell me that he'd changed his minded and wanted to get on the bus after all? "Let me go man!" "No, F, come on. Let's go." Scattered shouts of "That man gotta get on the bus" and "How you gonna keep that man from gettin on his bus" echo around me.

We turn the corner back towards the school and, out of sight, I let go of F's arm. Another kid comes up behind us. "Hey, go back out there with the buses." He ignores me and starts talking to F. "That's aight, we'll get 'em tomorrow." "No" I say, "you won't get them tomorrow. It's over." The kid looks at me, then at F. "Cuz," says F, in that peculiar rythem that he has "i'll explain it all to you when we get home." and as a side note, to me, "This my cousin."

"Call your mom, F" I say as I pass him my phone. He puts in his number, and his mom's name shows up. He stopped being surprised about that a long time ago. "You ever consider acting?" "No, I never did think about that."

After F gets off the phone, as we continue to walk down the breezeway, F says "you know, I think I really could use a father figure in my life." I just shake my head "I'm way to young for that F." "oh, yeah, I didn't mean you, I just mean I think it would be good for me to have, you know, a guy at home to look up to and all that."

F, at 15, has diagnosed half of his own problem, and the probably the single biggest problem in the Delta. But at least today, he didn't fight.

Something

I haven't lately been given to eloquent blog postings, and this one will be no different. I promise, though, one of these days, I'll sit down and write something that might approach a thoughtful, or at least coherent, piece of prose. Until then, settle for snippets.

I think that my kids might have actually learned something. I've had them for 98 minutes a day, every day, since August seventh. I don't feel like doing the calculations, but even with the 5 or six days that I have been 'sick', the number of minutes I've spent "teaching" these kids is extreme. But finally, I am starting to see small glimpses of accomplishment. I just wanted to blog about it now before it disappears tomorrow.

Other things of note:
1. Kids have been staying after school, which is good. More need to stay after school, or some seniors will not graduate. How they get to this point and know nothing is beyond me.

2. I'm planning on implementing a long-term competive group sort of scenario in my algebra II class. Sit them in groups, give them points for everything, including attendence, quiz and test grades, homework, participation, and discipline. Anyone have any suggestions on this? Tried it before? Failed miserably? Had some success?

3. There was a third... Nope, completely forgot. State test is coming up quick. To be honest, I would be really happy if I got 80% to pass.

4. Oh, I remembered what was supposed to be #3. I have a student in Algebra II who can't solve 3x - 2 = 4. Even after we spent an hour going over this sort of thing after school. He never passed the algebra I state test. And he doesn't have a chance of passing my class. How can I grade him on the same scale that I grade everyone else, when his skill set is obviously so much less well suited to algebra than that of everyone else in the class? When I give a test on systems of equations and compositon of functions, and he just writes things that don't make any sense? This kid needs an IEP, but because expectations are so low for everyone else, he has managed to somehow pass everything up to algebra II, without knowing anything. What do I do with this kid?